The son has hated his parents since childhood. How to love your child if he is annoying? When the apple tree does not understand the apple

Parents should love their children, educate them and take care of them. They should help children develop and become independent people. Unfortunately, some parents treat their children rather poorly, taking away their warmth and care, or even completely abandoning them. It hurts to feel that your parents do not love you, and this pain can be not only emotional, but also physical. The best way to deal with this is to accept the fact that you can't change other people, just focus on yourself.

Steps

Think about ways to solve this problem

Talk about it with good friend or with a family member. Sometimes a person gets better when he just talks to someone about his problem. Talk to a family member or friend about what's going on in your family.

For example, you might try talking to a close friend about how your parents are doing and how you feel about it. Find a person with whom you feel good and comfortable, who will not turn away from you. Tell this person what you would say to your parents.
Try not to become emotionally dependent on this person, just talk to him when you need to speak up. If you suddenly find yourself calling him several times already, be careful not to become dependent on this person. If you feel that you are becoming more and more dependent on other people, talk to the school psychologist.

Find yourself a mentor. A mentor will help you make important decisions in your life, teach you things that your parents can't (or won't) teach you. You can find a mentor who can help you master school subjects, help you deal with difficult situations, or succeed at work. Consider whether there is a reliable responsible adult in your life who could be your mentor. For example, it can be a coach, teacher, boss?
- If your boss or sports coach offers to help you, consider again if this person can be your mentor. In fact, you can ask someone for help yourself. Say, “I am in awe of what you have achieved! I also hope someday to succeed in life in the same way and reach your level. But I don't know where to start. Could you teach me?"
- Try not to become too dependent on your mentor. Keep in mind that a mentor will still not be able to replace your parents, so you should not expect parental care from this person. A mentor is someone who can help you achieve your goals in school, work, or some other area of your life.
Talk to a therapist or school psychologist. It is not easy to come to terms with the behavior of your parents, therefore, it is quite possible that you will have to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you understand yourself and develop protective mechanisms with which you will feel much better.
- If your school has a psychologist, be sure to ask if you can make an appointment to discuss this issue. If you're confused or don't know how to start this conversation, talk to a teacher you trust first.
- Ask your parents if you can make an appointment with a psychotherapist. Say: “Recently, I have encountered (faced) an unpleasant situation, I need to talk to a specialist about this. Please help me find a good psychotherapist.”
- Be aware that if your parents are abusive, the school psychologist or psychotherapist will be required to report it.
Resist the temptation to compare how your parents treat you and your siblings. If you think that your parents treat your brother better than you, this does not necessarily mean that they love either of you more. There is likely a reason why they treat your brother more carefully at this time. Most often, this is an intuitive behavior, so your parents may not even realize that they treat you differently.

Try not to take it personally. Sometimes it can be difficult to accept criticism and abuse from people close to you who should love you, even if you perfectly understand that they are not telling the truth. Remember that your parents' words and behavior apply more to them than to you.
- The next time one of your parents says or does something bad to you, say to yourself: “I am a good person, I appreciate myself. My parents are just trying to cope with their problems, that’s why they do/say that.”
Be kind to yourself. Some children who experience parental mistreatment begin to feel bad about themselves, for example, they try to hurt themselves, start using alcohol and drugs, and fail in school. Remember that all this will not improve your condition. Instead of giving in to this temptation, start taking care of yourself and loving yourself, for example:
- Do not smoke or use alcohol or drugs.
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Almost all of us have this axiom in our heads: “Parents should love children, and children should love parents.” Yes, it's natural when this happens. But it also happens differently. There are families in which parents do not like children. Or they cannot love because of their psychological characteristics

There are families in which parents do not like children

A rejecting mother is a phenomenon that is not customary to talk and write about. But that doesn't mean the problem doesn't exist. It is a terrible truth that nature sometimes makes mistakes.

Almost all of us have this axiom in our heads: "Parents should love their children, and children should love their parents". Yes, it's natural when this happens. But it also happens differently.

There are families in which parents do not like children. Or they cannot love because of their psychological characteristics.

Unfortunately, in my work I often meet children who grew up without love. They were not accepted, not wanted, rejected. This happens, for example, when a mother was not ready for the appearance of a child - she did not mature mentally or simply did not want to, but "it happened." Then instead of love, anger and resentment appeared in her heart. Maybe mom was depressed, and she just didn’t care about him. Perhaps she drank or was so dependent on a man that the child was not the most important thing in her life. He just interfered.

And it also happens: some mothers are simply not capable of love. They may reject but not support. Educate, train, but do not give heat. To react (to be annoyed) with the child, but not to be in a relationship with him.

These children were supposed to receive support and a sense of their own value in the family, but they receive rejection, emotional abuse, a sense of their own worthlessness and inadequacy.

This is not just a lack of love, but the exercise of constant violence instead of love.

The rejecting mother (father) is looking for an excuse to vent their aggression. This is expressed in constant nitpicking of the child. In fact, the reason is not that the child is doing something wrong, but in the very existence of the child.

It happens that parents are annoyed by the degree of development of some quality in a child. He is too active, too sensitive, too creative. That is, it is either uncomfortable, or does not fit into the parental concept of how “their child should be”, or causes a feeling of envy. Often in such cases, rejecting parents come up with offensive, derisive nicknames for children.

It sounds crazy, but, unfortunately, it is not so rare.

The worst thing about all this is that the child of rejecting parents learns self-destructive behavior, learns to treat himself the way he was taught in the family. He gets so used to attacks on his human dignity that it never occurs to him: such treatment is abnormal and unacceptable. He thinks he deserves it all...

Such children grow up trying to fulfill all the responsibilities. And even if they are successful, for some reason they still feel like failures, devalue their own achievements. They constantly feel like they haven't done enough.

And - amazing! - but over and over again they try to earn approval and love from those who cannot give it. Even if the parents are no longer alive, even if they are somewhere far away, their children are trying to live in such a way as not to upset and anger mom and dad.

Adult children still cannot go beyond the limits of parental “must” and “should”.

Rejecting parents are adept at creating feelings of guilt and inadequacy in their children. And no matter how much such a child tries to become, finally, at least something good and correct, he does not succeed. He thinks that he did not try hard, but in reality this has nothing to do with him: he found himself in a dead end, where whatever he did would be bad.

He will never earn their love and approval, because the problem here is not in the child, but in the parents.

But the child does not know about it. So he continues to blame himself, to look for a rational grain in his mother's words, to try to "correct" his own mistakes ... and someone is trying to reach out to his parents, to negotiate with them. And sometimes it succeeds. But not everyone.

The fact is that people with varying degrees of mental health can be rejecting parents. That is, sometimes any mother can reject at all. If she is "sane", then she does not always reject and criticize, and she "finds fault" because she loves and worries about her child. Or maybe she's just tired - what really happens there, happens to everyone. You can negotiate with such a mother, she will hear a different position, she can accept it or not accept it - her choice. But negotiations are possible with her, you can get warmth and support from her.

And there are mothers who reject because ... they reject. And that's it. Such parents do not want to hear their child, no arguments work on them. And if you try to find them mutual language, then they either stubbornly stand their ground, or scream and manipulate, causing a feeling of guilt, or simply refuse to communicate. They can't prove anything.

And often this problem is not even related to psychology, but to psychiatry. But how can a child doubt the mental health of his parents? Especially when you consider that only those who have delusions or hallucinations are considered “crazy”? And in rejecting parents, most often there are no such symptoms. They may have a different kind of mental illness, in which there are no delusions and hallucinations, but there is no ability to love, to give warmth to their own children.

You know, in our student years, we had an internship in a psychiatric hospital. Our teacher drummed into each group of naive students that a delusional patient could not be persuaded. But of course we tried. Desperately clung to the idea that such people have a vestige of reason or logic.

These conversations went something like this:

Patient: “I have a transmitter in my spine. It was installed by the special services that are following me.”

Students: “Here is a picture of your spine. See, there's nothing there."

Patient: “Of course, you show me the old picture, it didn’t exist then.”

Students: "Well, here's the date."

Patient: “Here are the scoundrels! So they installed such a transmitter for me so that they would not show any picture! or: “So you are at the same time with them !!!”

Curtain.

This is how it happens with people who are insane. You will not prove to him that he is wrong, it is simply impossible, no matter how hard you try. He will either “weave” your words into his ideas about the world, or you will become an enemy for him.

What if the parents are as rejecting as they are deranged?

To mature. So much so that you stop being loyal to your parents and look at them as if they are people, not gods.

Recognize the reality in which it happens that mom simply does not love and stop breaking into a cake, just to earn love and approval from someone who can never give it. After all, this is also unhealthy - to do the same thing, each time hoping to get a different result.

It's scary to think about it, but sometimes the best solution is not to communicate. At least temporary - until your life becomes independent, without regard to "what your mother says." Until you learn to distinguish between her thoughts and your own. Even inside your own head.published .

Ekaterina Oksanen

Have questions - ask them

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

The relationship between fathers and children often becomes the inspiration for the creation of literary and cinematic works. Sometimes it seems that feelings towards family members can be purely tender, but this is not so. Often, an adult child cannot even see mom and dad, blaming them for his many troubles. Why do grown children hate their parents? , and is there a way to deal with such a problem?

All troubles from childhood

Psychologists do not get tired of noting that many of the problems that bother a person in adulthood originate precisely in childhood. Sudden criticism of abilities can become a source of complexes, and a long-standing resentment towards mother in the future will give rise to hatred or neglect.

So, what problems in raising a child can affect his attitude towards parents in the future?

Often mom and dad work so hard that they hardly see their own child. As a result, the baby feels abandoned, resentment grows, which in the future results in either seething hatred or indifference. As a teenager, a child learns to solve his own problems on his own. When mom and dad suddenly begin to interfere in his adult life, this causes rejection and even hatred.

Bad habits of parents give rise to conflicts in the family.

It is quite difficult for a child to love mom and dad, who are more often drunk than sober. Bad habits or addiction give rise to conflicts in the family, which slowly but surely divide the cell of society. As a result, the grown-up child does not want to see and hear his troubled relatives.

Rudeness and aggression on the part of parents generates hatred in the soul of the child.

How often do adults raise their hand to kids? If this happens systematically and for no apparent reason, conflicts cannot be avoided. In the future, a person will definitely remember all the cuffs and collect a debt from his parents for the offense.

Indifference sometimes kindles a greater fire than open aggression.

Often a child is not wanted or the desire of parents to establish a personal life worries them much more than the needs of their own child. Parents do not express love towards the baby, do not spend free time with him, ignore his successes. This turns into the fact that relatives become infinitely distant people for each other. As a result, in the future it will be very difficult to avoid negative emotions of the child in relation to adults.

This is just a short list of reasons that can give rise to a source of conflict between parents and their child even in childhood. Psychologists point out that dealing with such a source of hatred is surprisingly difficult. The enmity turns out to be so old that the child is simply not able to forgive mom and dad, continuing to hate them throughout his life.

Adult problems as a source of negative feelings

Often, the relationship between parents and a child begins to deteriorate suddenly, and, at first glance, for no apparent reason. This can happen due to the following nuances in communication between generations:

“I hate my parents because of their overprotectiveness” - family psychologists are constantly contacted with such a problem. Mom and dad can't come to terms with the fact that their child has grown up. They continue to call him several times a day, dictating with whom a person should communicate, and how he should dress. Such restrictions accumulate and give rise to large-scale conflict.

That is why parents should always remember the age of their child, his life needs and the right to independence.

Very often, conflict in the family arises with the advent of a new person. The son brings his beloved home, which does not suit his parents at all. The daughter is trying to build a relationship with a man, but mom and dad interfere in this process with their advice. As a result, tension builds up in the family nest.

Ways to overcome negative feelings

How to stop hating your parents? It is by no means worth ignoring such dark feelings. The first advice of psychologists concerns a personal conversation with relatives. You should sit down at the negotiating table and discuss the current situation together. Why do conflicts arise? What is the hatred towards parents? It will be a very difficult and long conversation, but in the end it will turn into an improvement in the family climate.

What other ways to overcome conflicts exist?

To eliminate the negative completely, it will take a long time to work on both sides. Moreover, it is wrong to charge the resolution of the conflict only on oneself. Psychologists emphasize that both sides must solve the problem, and only then will hatred be defeated.

It is very important not to accumulate negativity in yourself for many months. You need to carefully and delicately discuss the problem with mom and dad as soon as it arises. Then the risk of a sudden eruption of mutual claims will be minimal.

If family members fight regularly over specific topics, they should simply be avoided. In this case, communication will begin to give pleasure, and the negative will gradually come to naught.

Consequences of family hatred

Often people do not even think about how much negative feelings affect their lives. Thus, an adult child who hates his own parents may come to the wrong concept of raising his own heirs. He will try to do everything in a completely different way, while limiting the communication of the baby with grandparents. As a result, the conflict will only take root, finally quarreling all family members.

Often quarrels with the closest people turn into depression or complexes for a person. He feels inferior, and therefore cannot achieve success both in his personal life and in his career.

Psychologists note that there is also hidden hatred. The child secretly experiences negativity due to the overprotection of the older generation. However, he turns out to be too reserved or modest to express such emotions. As a result, spiritual blackness accumulates in him and results in inadequate actions. Such hatred can turn into open acts of violence.

It is always necessary to deal with such negative emotions. Psychologists advise not to forget that parents are still the closest people for their own child. That is why for a happy and strong relationship with them you need to fight to the bitter end.

Julia, Zavolzhsk

Who don't love their parents? It is not customary to discuss such topics in society, but we made up our minds and made the right decision: it was discussed actively and seriously.

To dot the child-parent relationship, we decided to talk with a psychologist Pavel Zygmantovich about parents who don't love their children. And that's not bad.

Let's go back to the peasants. Children were needed as insurance, while their lives were poorly valued. And psychological well-being was not considered at all. In the Commonwealth, in the Russian Empire, there was constantly famine. Then there was no task for everything to be right. Survived great. Until the spring survived - well. There is something to sow - great. The level of claims was in the ankle area, and now it is above the head. Hence, the parents begin psychological difficulties.

After all, parents love the way they have formed it. Here the personal contribution, experience from childhood, and one's attitude towards parents play a role. Some parents are calm about children, some really do not like them. Because loving a child is extra work. And not for everyone this mechanism of tenderness works as well as we would like.

You can be surprised at the dislike of some parents for children only if you don’t know anything about human nature at all and live in fantasies about the instincts of motherhood.

The child is extremely demanding of attention, and therefore now there is a very tough conflict. There used to be little entertainment. Ridiculous to say: in the 1970s, even cleaning could be fun.

A person needs to structure his time, he just cannot sit and be bored for a long time. Now we have facebook, and you can sit there for years. There is a TV. Previously, the child, among other things, was a good means of structuring time. It was a small toy in the extended sense of the word.

And now the child distracts from the opportunity to go to Vilnius for the weekend or does not allow to spend money on a ride in Silichi, because you need to buy diapers, diapers. And it turns out that the person does not know what to do with the child. Everything is not as fun as expected, so it also limits.

Given the importance of freedom for a modern person, all this together gives a very serious rejection effect. Before, let me remind you, the child was not required to love like this. Giving him a kick was for a sweet soul. And now everything is different.

When one child is loved more than another

It cannot be said that there is any one reason why some children are loved and others are not. This is a very diverse phenomenon. This happens because one of the children is more comfortable.

For example, someone is more in line with the expectations of parents: dad wanted the children to become boxers, and out of three sons, only one followed in his father's footsteps, the second took up knitting, and the third was a librarian. And these two are some kind of “wrong men”, and the first one is “very good”.

This occurs in single-parent families or even in complete, but conflicting, when in a child, especially of the opposite sex, one parent notices some manifestations of the other parent that he hates. For example, the boy's father always ruffled his hair in a certain way. The boy does the same, and it infuriates the mother. She hates the child because he looks like daddy and daddy is a goat. And he loves his daughter, for example, because she looks like her.

Humans are very complex beings, and it is impossible to reduce everything to one reason. There are many reasons, and it is very individual.

What to do in such situations unloved children

Children - nothing. All they can do is look for another significant adult.

There is the so-called "Hawaiian Study" (Emmy Werner and Ruth Smith, 2001) that has been going on for forty years. They analyzed the behavior of about a thousand people, and they began to do this even before they were born, and they also looked at families. It turned out that by and large a small child is influenced by one factor that determines his normal or abnormal socialization. Not peer bullying, not hurricanes, not losses, not rapes, not beatings - but emotional intimacy with a senior.

That is, if there is some older brother, mother, stepfather, coach, fisherman on the pier, it doesn’t matter who at all - this is quite enough for a child. If this person accepts him, supports him, is emotionally close to him and the child feels good with him, this is enough for him to live quite well for himself. The mentality of children is very plastic. To cripple the psyche of a child, one must try very hard.

When events are permanent, for example, a child is constantly bullied at school, then this can lead to some problems and often leads, but not always. And if this is some kind of one-time action, something happened somewhere, this, most likely, will not leave any trace at all. Because the idea of the amazing fragility of man is not confirmed by anything at all.

There is such a thing as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This, according to the broadest estimates, affects only 15% of the adult population. It's normal when a bomb exploded in front of your eyes, and after three days you decided to watch a new episode of Sherlock. And PTSD is when an event haunts a person, disrupts his usual life and does not allow him to return to it even after a few years.

Our psyche is much stronger than it seems. Otherwise, we would not have survived.

Nevertheless, it is still worth urging the parent to be more careful with children. Even here, however, there is no single solution. Indeed, on the one hand, this is reasonable, and on the other hand, we bring the parent into a constant state of self-accusation: I did something wrong, I refused the child, he cried for two hours, and this is a trauma for him.

No, the child will survive and process it. Especially if the parent does not poke a finger at him and say that you have been crying for two hours - you are a crybaby.

There is a social program in the USA Big Brothers Big Sisters, it is very old. We used to have one too. It is very simple: a team of volunteers assigns a “sister” or “brother” 5-6 years older to a child from an orphanage. And according to certain rules, they meet 2-3 times a week and go somewhere. It is desirable that they do not go to have fun, but do something together.

For example, such an older brother can take the child to his workshop if he works somewhere, and the sister can take the girl to the dentist. Already this program wonderfully socializes the child, although in fact we have only 8 hours of communication per week. This does not mean that they constantly hug. A little bit of warmth and affection, and it is not necessary to make a tradition out of this. And that's enough.

How to talk to your parents about it

Here we are faced with socially acceptable responses. Even anonymously, we cannot rule out that a person wants to look good in his own eyes. And he writes that yes, I love my children.

It's like cheating research: it's impossible to determine how much people actually cheat on each other. Only if everyone has a video camera implanted in their eyes. Technically, we have not implemented it yet. The same with parents. It is necessary to solve the main problem - what does "love" mean. For example, a parent never lies - does he love it or not? Always buys toys - likes or not?

It's worth trying to talk to your parents. There are two directions here. On the one hand, you need to look for a significant senior with whom you can have good emotional contact. And the second is to go to your parents and build relationships with them. In the end, there is not only love and emotional closeness, but also actions that can be performed, and for this it is not necessary to be close - for example, wish you a happy birthday, help with the housework, etc. You don't have to feel love.

What you should definitely do is not tell yourself that I'm so unhappy now because my parents don't love me. It's useless and counterproductive.

My colleague Sergey Shishkov says that it's never too late to have a happy childhood and it's never too late to ruin your own childhood. Here you need to understand one more basic thing: children always expect more than their parents, in principle, can give them.

Any child can say that they weren't loved enough because their parents didn't always do exactly what the child wanted. The same, by the way, and in marital relations. Based on this, everyone can be considered unloved.

It turns out a simple thing: if a person in adulthood begins to believe that he was not loved, he dramatizes all this. And if he thinks: well, yes, my mother was cold with me, but she raised me, fed me - well, thank God, thank you, mother - then everything in his life will be fine.

Some kind of warm, ideal relationship with parents is a rather rare thing, and I'm not sure that it is easy to create it the way we would like. This is a lot of work on both sides, but first, of course, with the parents, because they are more mature. But how many people do this kind of work?

Many people say they love their children. And what they do is feed, water, clothe. Everything. This is also a form of love - the maximum that they can give.

What parents still owe their children

Everything that is written in the law. In the Marriage and Family Code, which says that child abuse is prohibited, that proper care is required for them, and so on. Everything that is not spelled out in the law is optional.

Of course, it's great if the parent was moderately protective and moderately free, moderately affectionate and moderately demanding. There are no perfect people. Absolutely about any parent, you can say that he is bad.

If we speak from the position that the parent should, then we form a sense of guilt in him. This is a precarious position. When I say that everything must be done according to the law, and the rest - as you like, then the parent may behave badly towards the child.

But if we say, “Hey parent, you must love the child,” then this creates the classic problem of a working woman who also has a family, especially if the child is 2-3 years old. She lives in constant guilt. And will it be good for her if we say that you should take care of children, because the atmosphere in the house depends on the woman?

Many people take it very hard. And we created this difficult experience by convincing the parent that he (she) owes something. In fact, we create the basis for guilt. Is it worth it to do so? Great question, I don't think there is a good and simple answer to it.

A photo: website.

Often, family relationships cease to seem prosperous, and gradually life turns into a war zone. Often conflict arises between the child and the parents. The son hates the mother, or the daughter - a similar situation can appear in almost any home. And quite often it is not accompanied by serious quarrels. She appears for no apparent reason, just from scratch. But reverse situations are also possible when a child grows up in unfavorable conditions and is constantly attacked by adults.

Regardless of living conditions, parents, to whom angry phrases about hatred are directed, experience far from the most rosy emotions. After all, adults usually not only repeat, but also believe that they live for the sake of children. In their opinion, they do not deserve such treatment. Or did they deserve it? Why do children hate their mother? There are a variety of reasons. And some of them will be described in the review.

Difficulties of growing up

This kind of behavior on the part of teenagers is scary. And what is even worse, often children not only utter such a phrase, but also believe in it. Yes, and then they begin to act as if they sincerely hate. At the same time, family relations can be quite peaceful, normal, when parents are completely sane and try to find with their children.

A mother hates her daughter (or son) - this is familiar to many. Usually, such a situation is attributed to the difficulties that are characteristic of the transitional age, when a teenager begins to grow up, tries to find his place, to understand existence. At the same time, the conclusions of the child usually do not coincide with the opinion of the older generation, which causes misunderstanding, and then conflicts appear.

Main reasons

In some situations, the transitional age passes smoothly. However, situations where life turns into a nightmare also occur quite often. What are the reasons for such behavior of a teenager?

An incomplete family, it’s hard for one mother to cope, so she begins to take out her anger on the child, for which she receives in return.
What other reasons can cause the phrase: “I hate my mother”? Let's say the family is complete. However, parents can hate each other, which negatively affects the child himself.
The phrase can be called a total lie when the parents have relationships on the side.
Hatred often appears if there are several children in the family, and someone is loved more and someone less.
What kind of mother do you hate? A child may experience a feeling of hatred for that mother who does not pay attention to him at all, does not care and does not support him in difficult moments.

The above reasons are the most striking. They demonstrate that not everything is as smooth as we would like in the family. Children feel these situations on a subconscious level, which is why they begin to utter phrases such as “I hate my mother.”

However, problems can be solved by correcting the situation. But this should be wanted first of all by one of the adults. It is enough just to accept that troubles still take place, and find an experienced specialist who is able to normalize relations in the family.

When aggression is manifested out of the blue

Problems can arise without any reason. For example, the situation in the family is normal, but the teenager still vents anger. What causes such situations? Never forget that a child's behavior is just a symptom. It signals that there is some kind of problem even if at first glance everything is fine.

In such a situation, psychological assistance is needed primarily by parents, and not by the child. Only a specialist will be able to find problems and eliminate them painlessly for all family members. Otherwise, the child will simply lead to a nervous breakdown.

Wrong upbringing

There is a possibility that certain parenting mistakes can lead to the phrase: “I hate my mother.” Naturally, there are quite a lot of them, it is not worth listing them all. However, most mistakes quite often come down to an excessive number of restrictions, various prohibitions on the part of the older generation.

Perhaps the parents painted the life of their children by the minute, not allowing them to deviate from the planned plan. At the same time, they think that they are doing the right thing, bringing only benefit. However, teenagers begin to feel that they are trapped, they no longer have enough freedom. They can break down, come to terms with such a circumstance, accept the rules of the game, or they can show aggression.

It should also be noted that the reaction to prohibitions may not appear immediately, but it will definitely manifest itself when anger accumulates and forces appear that are enough to resist parents. And then the question will begin to arise why an adult son hates his mother. Or the daughter will not have the best feelings for her parents when she grows up.

Reasons for overprotection

A daughter or son hates their mother... Such a situation can be the result of overprotection. How to communicate with children so that there is neither excessive guardianship nor permissiveness? First, it is worth talking about why many parents seek to patronize their child.

First, there may be beliefs that upbringing should be strict. Otherwise, the child will simply slide down the slope. And the higher the manifestation of severity, the stronger the love from the parents. And this means that the child will be happy. But this point of view rarely leads to positive results.

Secondly, parents may be afraid that their children will definitely make a lot of mistakes. A similar reason resembles the first, but less global. If in the first case, parents are afraid of the unfortunate fate of a teenager, then in the second they are simply worried that he would not catch a cold or get a deuce.

Third, parents may stop feeling needed if they stop controlling their children. And if the child is independent, then it turns out that they live in vain? But, again, this view is wrong.

Mother hates daughter? Psychology admits that one of the above reasons is to blame, which is not able to establish a good atmosphere in the family. But it may well lead to even more serious conflicts. It is necessary to figure out how to be in such situations, how to behave.

Hunt to be needed

Son hates mother? Psychology admits that the reason for this is the desire to “be needed” by your child. Such a desire signals that there is a complex of lack of demand, and most importantly, dislike for oneself for this on the part of parents.

In such a situation, thoughts begin to appear that if no one needs me, then I exist in vain. Instead of rejoicing in the success, independence of their children, parents begin to take offense and form more and more new prohibitions. It is because of this that conflicts often arise.

Many parents believe that if they do not control their child, then he will definitely begin to make mistakes. On the one hand, this point of view is absolutely correct. However, it should be understood that the child will make them anyway. Otherwise it is impossible. To learn not to do stupid things, a teenager must first do them and be dissatisfied with the results.

Adequate approach to bans

Teenager hates mother? To avoid such situations, we must immediately figure out where bans are needed and where not. For example, you can allow experimentation with cooking if there is nothing poisonous in the kitchen. You can also fix your bike. But you should not mess with the outlet, it's dangerous.

You need to understand that you can achieve something worthwhile only on your own experience. And for a child to acquire it, parents should not constantly interfere with advice and recommendations. It is enough to simply determine what is dangerous and what is not. And if in the first case control is necessary, then the child is able to figure it out on his own with the second.

An unenviable fate awaits the child

Where do the fears arise that the fate of a child without constant supervision will necessarily be bad? The causes of fear are usually the same for all parents. If there is a girl in the family, then early pregnancy, drugs and prostitution await her ahead. The boy will definitely get into crime, will constantly fight and will also take drugs.

In such a situation, the question arises whether control will help to avoid such fates. It cannot be answered unambiguously. In some situations, this saves, while in others, on the contrary, it pushes to everything bad. No wonder they say that

What does strict parenting lead to?

Overprotection can cause another serious danger. The child will simply get used to being controlled, constantly pulled and forbidden. Over time, he will stop paying attention to the words of his parents. Accordingly, this will lead to the fact that he will begin to violate everything that is possible, without particularly understanding the situation. And in this he will be guided by two principles. Either parents will intervene and protect, save from problems, or they will punish anyway, so why not do it.

In such a situation, he will follow instructions from his parents exactly the opposite. For example, if he was told that he could not walk without a scarf in winter, he would definitely try to go outside without it. And if he doesn’t get sick, and there won’t be any problems because of this, then other parental prohibitions don’t make any sense.

It may seem that an undressed scarf and drugs are too far apart things. But in the child's psyche, they stand side by side with each other, since, according to parental rules, almost everything is prohibited. Accordingly, in such a situation, reasonable boundaries cease to be developed. And that's why you want to break the bans so much.

Is it in an empty place?

What if the daughter hates the mother? Or maybe the son has negative feelings towards his parents? Outbreaks of aggression can also manifest themselves from scratch, when prohibitions with restrictions are reasonable and few in number, and peace and order reign in the family. Such situations are rare, but they do happen.

It must be understood that the child will sooner or later enter the big world and try to take a certain place in it in order to avoid encountering difficulties. After all, problems with peers can be quite painful.

In such a situation, children will begin to take out their anger on their parents, since it is impossible to conflict with classmates, you can run into even bigger problems. And parents obviously will not answer the same. And loving mothers are not at all capable of showing negative emotions towards their children. Such situations are insulting, wrong, but it happens.

However, to say that parents are completely innocent in such situations is not worth it. First, the child subconsciously understands that the cause of many problems in relationships with classmates is the result of upbringing. And secondly, allowing rudeness towards yourself, you can one day hear the phrase: “I hate my mother.” Such situations are paradoxical, but they happen.

In families where it is customary to treat each other with respect, there are usually no reasons for such phrases. Often this happens only if the mother initially put herself in the position of a “servant”.

Solution of problems

I hate my mother, what should I do? To cope with such a manifestation of aggression, it is necessary to change the position. But this is not so easy, as it requires working on yourself, revising the principles and your own behavior. Moreover, both adults and children will have to change.

On the other hand, children's emotions need an outlet. Therefore, it is not recommended to attach great importance to negative manifestations. But this is allowed only if there is an opportunity to talk, discuss what happened, learn about the true reasons. This situation is ideal, because both parents will calm down, and the child is aware of his feelings.

Finding a way out of the situation

What if the child hates the mother? Regardless of the difference in character, bad relationship, it is almost impossible to stop loving mom. However, due to conflicts and constant quarrels, life turns into a nightmare. For this reason, we must try to find a way out of the situation.

Most importantly, do not forget that the mother will not hurt, spoil life on purpose, just because she wants it. She just thinks that all her actions are beneficial, and in the future you will thank her for this.

Below are some tips that will help you deal with the situation that has arisen and resolve the conflict.

We just need to talk heart to heart. Try to convey to her that you appreciate the care, are grateful for the help provided, but you need something completely different, you want to achieve other goals, and not those that your mother sets for you.
In no case should you break loose, say bad words. Such behavior will only exacerbate the situation. Yes, and mom from this will only be more painful and offensive.
If you are an independent person and do not want to be under the constant influence of your parents, find a way to prove it. Start earning money, live separately. In such a situation, it will be possible to avoid constant control by parents and acquire personal space. Yes, and you can spend your free time at your own discretion.
Maybe mom thinks she's single? Make her feel needed, help her find the meaning of life. Perhaps she just needs a friend with whom she can walk, talk about pressing matters. Maybe you can find a hobby for her. The main thing is to leave as little space as possible for negative emotions in her life.

What should parents do?

Firstly, you can’t always command your children, constantly demand something from them, psychologically put pressure on them. It is best to try to find a compromise, to agree with each other, to carefully listen to the opinion of the child. Naturally, he will agree with your point of view, but all the same, he will hold a grudge inside, which will definitely make itself felt later.

Secondly, do not forget that children have their own lives. She needs to be interested. Do not avoid communication with the child, learn about his experiences and help with advice. There should be no ridicule, even if the problems seem banal and stupid. For children, all their troubles look global, crisis. Therefore, they need help and support. And if all this does not happen, then they will not experience positive emotions for their parents.

Thirdly, it is necessary to try to find a common language with the child, to become a friend for him, accepting all the shortcomings and virtues. Parents just need to feel in the body of a teenager. Feeling all the grievances experienced, overestimating difficult situations, you can form a wonderful relationship. But do not forget that it is necessary to work constantly to maintain relationships.

Conclusion

Mother hate daughter or son? Do not treat such an event as a tragedy. This is just an indicator that there are problems in the relationship, and they need to be dealt with, to look for a way out of the situation.

Remember that there are two installations - for children and for adults. In the first case, parents are frightened and offended. And this only exacerbates the situation. In the second case, parents try to deal with the problem. Which setup is right for you? But we can say with confidence that if the problem is not solved, then more than once you will have to hear the phrase: “I hate my own mother!”